Confession

I let my conscience be my guide!
It’s guided me
Into this wibble wobble numbness
Cotton wool straitjacket where I can’t really feel You.

My conscience pats me on the head:
“There, there!” to my complacency.

Cheap grace. Glowing report. Box ticked. Job done.
Or
Self-loathe. Withdraw. Deep shame. Memory still raw.

Shepherd Love, You lie down quietly in the gap
With Your whole self, not just Your crook.
You lie in the gap where the wolf comes in
And save me through soul-boggling love I just can’t take in.

You’re not just okay with forgiving me,
You’re bursting to hug me back in Your arms!
You’re aching to gather me right close to Your heart,
When I won’t meet Your eyes, trying to keep us apart!

Lord, I think I’m something else!
I’ve made myself this little badge:
“The greatest sinner!” “The biggest loser!”
I have dangerous tickets on myself.

Turn. Turn. Turn.
Lord, message received,
Grace overwhelming.
I pour it all out. All I can. Barely stop for a breather
Till the tears sting.
Turn.
I turn and see not accusing, knowing eyes,
But You, running to meet me, arms open wide.